Down to the final 3!
We start off with Jake recapping how he is falling in love with all three women. BLECK Then we see how ally is heartbroken in San Fran. She even has two of 8 x 10’s of Jake sitting on her night stand. Sorry, I dont think this girl is heart broken, I think this is some advertisement for her being the next Bachelorette. She is too much woman for Jakey
Moving on, we see Jake enjoying the gorgeous view of St Lucia and Gia in her cut off jean shorts sneaks up behind him. It is crazy windy day and Gia left her gorgeous hair down, I have a feeling it may resemble Vienna’s hair by the end of the day. Jake tells her they are going to take a paddle boat across the bay to experience the locals. They get some coconuts, stop and listen to some reggae music and lord help Jake and his attempt at dirty dancing.. oh son, oh son….. After their long day Jake wants to take the leap with Gia and as he is saying this. they literally leap into the water. Gia is ready to “like say they love each other” hmmmm I see this girl getting her heart broken
That night Gia cleans up, puts on a tiara and meets Jake down at the beach for a romantic dinner. Jake tells us that he wants to protect Gia, and he would love to see Gia open up more. Jake tells Gia that she is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, and it surprises him that she is deep..ooouch. Jake tells her that he wants someone to “‘who will make my dreams theirs and their dreams mine” Of course Gia just loves that. They head over to the hammock for a makeout session and Jake gives her the Fantasy Suite Card. Well of course she says Yes, she tells us she is ready to go all the way. bow chicka wow wow. Trail of clothes are off, Jake and Gia are in the bubble bath making out. Jake tells us that Gia has a hold of his heart and she could be the one he proposes to….. hmmm dont think so
Next up is Tinley. She jumps out of the car and jumps on Jake, she is so excited that she didnt even notice their is a helicopter waiting on them. Jake takes her on a helicopter ride across St Lucia, which is a gorgeous place! geez! They land and go into the rain forest where Tinley tells us ONCE AGAIN about her heart break of her last marriage, girl, we know girl, we know. They sit down for a picnic in the most odd place, with a bunch of rusty sugarcane farm equipment.. how romantic! Tenley wants to know if the real life will be like how she has been courted on the bachelor, and Jake says of course! If they want to go to the Caymans after dinner they can! really? She also mentions that Jake is a guy that loves to travel, and LOVES to dance, oh hunny wait till you see his dirty dancing with Gia haha. Well after the picnic they head to the private black sand beach and another makeout session begins. Tenley tells us AGAIN she hasnt been with another man and she isnt quite sure about the fantasy suite card.
That night they meet for dinner and Tenley tells Jake that she has put her marriage to rest and she is ready to move on with him. Ok, maybe JUST maybe we willl not hear about it anymore,, doubt it. Jake then takes Tenley off to dance. oyyyyy! She wants Jake to lead her and also lead her in life. cheeeese. These two are cute together though. They go sit back down at dinner and Jake takes out the fantasy suite card and she immediately says yes. So they go check it out and Tenley explains to Jake that this is not something she just does and Jake tells her that he respects that and her morals. But lets throw those out the window for a makeout session in the pool.
New day, and new girl… our favorite : ) Vienna. They jump aboard a pirate ship that was on Pirates of the Caribbean. Ok Gia got a paddle boat, Tenley got a helicopter and Vienna gets a pirate ship.. hmm. They literally start licking each other… oh my gosh i think I just threw up in my mouth. They climb up to the crows next, make out, set off some cannons, make out.. Then Jake puts on a dew rag, grabs a sword and makes Vienna walk the plank. Man why didnt they make this ship a group date a couple weeks ago. I can see it now, Allie coming up behind Vienna and making her walk the plank, now thats entertainment. Jake and Vienna head on over to a private beach for a… you guessed it makeout session. Jake tells us he wants to make sure that Vienna has some substance and that they just dont have this amazing chemistry.
That night they meet for dinner and Vienna attempted some sort of Lauren Conrad braid in her hair, hey at least she tried. Jake asks her what she wants in a marriage and she gives us the usual answers, best friend, life partner, be able to do anything on a whim with. Jake buys into it and then asks Vienna what kind of engagement rings she likes WOOOOAH! HOLD UP! I am surprised Mike Fliess didnt have a heart attack. Jake changes tunes and tells her that there are two other women here and he has fallen for them both. Vienna isnt going to let that stop her, she drops those three little words. After some kissing and tears he hands Vienna the fantasy suite card, well duh she says yes. They head on over to the suite and Jake wants to prove to Jake that she can be elegant, so she slips into some lingerie. doors shut, and bow chicka wow wow. blllleck
Rose Ceremony day, but it cant begin without a little drama. We see Jake getting ready for the day and ring ring….. its ALI. surprised? nah! After a lot of begging and pleading, which seems so fake to me he finally tells her to stay home. Alie leaves us by saying she doesnt know if she will find anyone like Jake EVER again…. Yall get ready, she will be the next Bachelorette. I can see it now, “I thought I was in love with Jake, but I am ready for this new chapater in my life and meet these 25 amazing men!” blah blah blah Lets hope she remembers her hair brush.
Off to a pow wow with Mr Harrison, who is looking dapper in a pink shirt today. Jake tells Chris that he is in love with all these women for different reasons. Well good thing there is a “private” message from each of them to Jake. Tenley is her cute sweet self. Gia looks physically uncomfortable, she tells Jake that she is falling in the love with him, but her body language is telling a different story. Then Vienna comes on confident as ever and tells him that she loves him. We head to the rose ceremony and none of the girls look like they are in St Lucia by what they are wearing. Vienna in a tight purple satin dress, oh no no no , Gia in a glittery short blue number, and Tenley in black! Jake shows up and tells the women that he is in love with all of them. Does anyone find that just completely WRONG, I mean I just dont see how. You can like some a whole lot, but in love with three women. GROSS! The roses are handed out Tenley and Vienna.
Next week is the women tell all and we get a sneak peak of the past contestants (who may or may not be on the new show The Bachelor Pad) Should be good!
So who is ready to see this season over with? MEEEE! : )
Until Next time…..
You totally forgot to mention that vienna is wearing a BLACK thong in her WHITE lingerie! ha ha 🙂 Loved the recap per usual… Jake is such a pansy though. Please MAN UP!
UGH!!! WTH does he see in Vienna? I LOVE LOVE Gia. Vienna is white trash, why her???? She is not even pretty. She could atlreast make her self somewhat pretty for her dates with Jake. As for Jake he better NOT be the next Brad *according to the previews in 2 weeks)
Love his face when he is going face to face with Roz and that crazy woman is back
What a night!!!!!!
UGH I am totally ready for this season to be over, it's SO cheesy! haha great recap friend!
LOVE the recap – thank you as always!!
I cannot stand Jake. He's such a dork! I can't hardly take this season anymore. And I so agree! I think Ali will be the next bachelor! me and hubby were talking about that last night!
I am not a fan of Vienna AT ALL. Im dying over here about your comment about her "braid" it was hideous!
UGH I am so over this cheese-fest Why do I keep watching? LOL. Next week will be HILARIOUS! I can't wait for the tell-all! I know that Ally will be the Bachelorette, it just makes too much sense!
k first I picked ally then I picked Gia omg Maybe I should pick Vienna so she gets voted off too! lol I seriously want Gias entire closet!!! LOVE her style.
He is going topick Vienna huh… wait don't tell me .. that is just a guess. TOTAL script. these is no way a guy would actually turn all those girls down for her. Do you think?
Oh and I agree. You can Not possibly LOVE all of them Jake. Your not 12. you should know what real love is.
I look more forward to your bachelor recaps every tuesday than I do the actual show! I am with you about wanting this season to be over… but I can't help but watch it every Monday night!
I don't watch the bachelor but I am addicted to your recaps! lol
Yes, I am soooo ready for this season to be over with. I hope Ali is the next Bachelorette. Looking forward to putting this season behind us and getting on w/ the next one!!
LOL, SO can't wait to see that freaky girl again. "My mom wants grandbabies, and I want babies!!!" Oooohhh, kay. What a weird-o!! LOL
im right there with you. while i cant keep myself from watching im pretty ready for the season to be over. and especially since we know who the winner is, it makes it so underwhelming… i did like that he denied ali trying to come back, didnt see that coming!
I always hate this week! The whole fantasy suite is so oogie to me! GROSS!!! And Vienna… YUCK!!!
I always look forward to your Bacehlor posts!!! Too funny!!!! I can't stand Vienna, but I'm getting the feeling Jake may pick her. I think Tenley (if not picked) or Ali will be the next Bachelorette.